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But not for the reason you think. Tell him exactly how you want to be touched and where, and using what and you'll his pleasure meter — and yours —through the roof. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can and should be delivered in reality. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men. not because it's smothering, but because they realize how desperate they are for it. First and most important , promise not to judge the other. For example, if he's worried about his weight, maybe give him a sexy once-over and tell him how how buff he looks naked. His gut, as men often worry about the size of it and other measurable parts , and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. Either jump right into fulfilling that fantasy or, if you need a little more time to adjust, ask what it is about that fantasy that your partner likes, Dr. If he complains about a lack of sex or the fact that you're only doing certain things on his birthday , then be honest about what's causing you to withhold. But that couldn't be further from the truth. If that's the case, Mintz says you shouldn't be using sex as a weapon — that's only going to cause more harm in the relationship — and should instead be honest about how you're feeling.
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