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But I was happy to now be able to start exploring my sexuality, trying new things, and figuring stuff out, without all the pressure for things to be perfect. But for many people, there's baggage around the idea of high schoolers having sex, especially when you're a woman, and supposed to be hanging on to your virginity for dear life so that you can cash it in for something important farther down the line jewelry. I didn't think those urges were shameful or bad. I was incredibly curious about what life as an actively sexual person would be like, and I was proud of myself for listening to my heart on this one, instead of a world that felt my desires were negative. But I hope we can understand that sexual regret, when it exists, isn't a one-way street — people can regret what they didn't do as much as they can regret what they did. And though I liked my high school boyfriend, I would be lying if I said I didn't start dating him with the idea that this guy could finally be my ticket to the world of having sex with anyone besides myself, that is. If I had waited any longer than I did to have sex, it wouldn't have been for me. it would have been to placate a sexist system that thinks it is "cheap" for young women to take control of their sexuality, a system that demands that young women act like they have no sexual agency or desire at all. Our cultural concerns about young women being pressured into having sex can be positive and important — many people of all ages are manipulated into going beyond their sexual limits and engaging in activities that make them feel unhappy and unsafe, and its important that people feel they have the kind of support that they need in order to stick to their boundaries. My way was right for me, and I would never say that it is right for everyone — for some people, losing your virginity under a specific set of circumstances is incredibly meaningful, and being respectful of that is part of being respectful of sexuality in general. But my experience losing my virginity wasn't great because the bed was covered in rose petals, because I had hit some arbitrary age marker beforehand, or because the guy I lost it to became my husband in the parlance of our times. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage.

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Description: But not everyone is unsure at 16, just as not everyone is sure at not everyone would be happier if they waited. And though I liked my high school boyfriend, I would be lying if I said I didn't start dating him with the idea that this guy could finally be my ticket to the world of having sex with anyone besides myself, that is. When people think of a girl losing her virginity in high school, many picture some sexually Machiavellian boyfriend working overtime behind the scenes, using a combination of flattery and empty promises to convince his partner to part with her precious maidenhead. My own first sexual experience was no different — I felt satisfied because I achieved a goal, but not because the sex was actually, you know, satisfying. I didn't think those urges were shameful or bad. I was incredibly curious about what life as an actively sexual person would be like, and I was proud of myself for listening to my heart on this one, instead of a world that felt my desires were negative. However, when we express this concern exclusively about young female virgins, we end up doing more than just "protecting" girls who aren't ready. we also end up shaming girls who are ready, implying that they're either abnormal or lying to themselves. Though I regret many things from my teen years — such as my mistaken belief that red eyeshadow is ever a good idea — I have never regretted the circumstances surrounding the loss of my virginity. There's a kind of benevolently judgmental language that is used by many to talk down to sexually active teens. People don't only regret giving in to their sexual urges — sometimes they also regret denying them. But for many people, there's baggage around the idea of high schoolers having sex, especially when you're a woman, and supposed to be hanging on to your virginity for dear life so that you can cash it in for something important farther down the line jewelry. It was great because it was exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it. My memories of adolescence basically consist of an endless, pummeling wave of horniness, which was punctuated every so often by school and Seinfeld reruns both of which, if I am being honest, also fed my general horniness. Here are five reasons why. People who had sex young, waited until they were older, waited until marriage, or decided that sex was off the table for them completely shouldn't be judged. But I was happy to now be able to start exploring my sexuality, trying new things, and figuring stuff out, without all the pressure for things to be perfect.
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